I don’t know about any of you but sometimes I miss the way I felt about myself before I had Ray. It’s crazy to think that the last time I felt really sexy and in love with my own body was before I got pregnant! The worst part is that I never really appreciated it back then. Back then I was always seeing the things that could be better. Especially in the world of body building and competing in bikini competitions there was always room for improving your overall look in order to compete and win. Fast forward to now and I would love to look like that again.
I think the worst thing is that I don’t feel sexy anymore. Even though I gained the correct amount of weight through my pregnancy and am now back down to my pre-pregnancy weight. I also don’t feel like I am too out of shape but I know I have lost some of the muscle definition and tone that I once had. I think a lot of moms feel that way. Its like once you get pregnant a lot of stuff starts happening to your body and whether you like it or not you get puffy and uncomfortable which just makes you feel gross. After you have your little one you are lucky enough to be able to take a shower and most of the time their little needs come before yours completely. After they get a little bit older everything is still about them especially when you are in public.
I remember before I had Ray going different places and I felt amazing. I felt confident with how I looked and I felt like I had the right to be sexy if I wanted to be. Now I feel as though I am not allowed to be/ feel sexy at all just because I am a mom. Especially if I have little man with me out in public. Most of the time you see things on social media telling moms that it is ok let things slid a bit. Like it is ok if you leave your house in stained clothes with no make up on because you are a mom. And don’t even think about wearing anything that might show off your body because you are a mom now. (However, if you are perfectly happy going out like this more power to you! It’s just not really my thing.) I do know a lot of women, before they had kids, that would not go out of their house unless they felt their absolute best but once they had kids that kind of lifestyle went out the window.
I know for most of us our kids are our lives. (As it should be) I just don’t feel like it is ok to let ourselves go in the process. If you want to dress up and feel sexy when you are just running your errands you shouldn’t feel like because you’re a mom so you can’t. Our kids watch everything that we do. If we choose not to take care of ourselves and choose to just be moms they are not going to realize that we are people too. Even at home, not getting up and getting dressed and ready for the day just sends the ok to them that they do not have to do it either. I feel like it is getting easier and easier to just be lazy. Now some days that is ok, but it should not turn into your normal day-to-day routine. Also, if you think about it when you feel lazy you really don’t feel like eating healthy or working out in order to feel good about yourself and the way you look. In the end it just becomes a cycle that is really hard to get out of. Those little eyes will also see that and catch onto that unhealthy lifestyle as well.
I know I also fall into the mom guilt by always read things like “he is only going to be this little once” and “the dishes can wait”. However, when we take it to extremes it is not right. I like having a clean house and I like knowing that my little guy realizes that if he helps out a bit then we are able to play and have fun together. I hate that it is now a thing to make moms feel guilty about having a clean house, getting dressed up or wearing make up on days other than a holiday. We don’t have to be put together all the time but it is nice when you can start feeling like a strong, sexy, confident woman again even though you are a mother.
Just because you became a mom does not mean that you have to completely overhaul your lifestyle. Seeing things on social media these days about what a good mom should be doing is really something that I have found for myself that has made me become a completely different person. And that is not ok. It is ok to change and evolve over time but not when you become someone you don’t even recognize. Or when you go out by yourself and you just feel awkward in your own skin that is not ok. We cannot stop being who we are and who we want to be just because we are mothers. I challenge you to get back to being who you really want to be. For me that is someone who exercises and is happy with the body that they have worked hard for. Someone who is not afraid to wear something cute even if you are just spending the day at home. And someone who is not afraid to care about what they look like even when they are just out running errands.
Please remember to never stop being you, mama!! You deserve to be you!