This week as I embarked on the Self Love part of the Kindness Challenge, I have found myself all week thinking about the things that I have been doing. As I did things, I would think “am I being kind to myself right now?” It has been an especially hard week since Ray has been being extra naughty. I don’t know if he is finally getting his last few teeth (which have been working their way in for two months now) or if he is just really realizing that he is definitely not getting his diapers back since we have only really been seriously potty training for about two weeks now. Whatever it is I have had to learn to really forgive myself and really make sure that I am doing what I can to be kind to myself and in turn I am being kinder to him.
I really feel that self love is something we need to do so that we are able to empower ourselves from within. If we cannot love ourselves then it is way harder for others to love us. By feeling like we have to prove and earn our love to ourselves we are making it twice as hard to connect with other people on a nice and compassionate level. I know I really struggle with this sometimes when I am not allowing myself to do something. This week there was one day that was a really tough and trying day. All I wanted to do after I finally got Ray to bed was to take a bath and relax a bit before I tried to go to sleep myself. In my mind I kept thinking about how I had a lot of work that still needed to get done and that I really didn’t deserve to just sit there because on that day I didn’t feel like a very “good” mother. I felt like I failed that day and that unless I got everything done that I personally wanted to do then I was going to repeat the cycle the next day. This time, however, I stopped myself and thought about how much better I would feel mentally and physically if I just relaxed a bit and got a good nights sleep.
Really giving in and allowing myself to just breath and enjoy the silence was definitely what I needed and I realize that sometimes self love is really just stopping yourself from all the hustle and allowing yourself to take that much needed break. In turn you become a better more caring and compassionate person when you do this. I really struggle to take care of myself mentally because as a mom we are always trying to make everything look perfect and easy. Sometimes it is hard to just stop and make sure that mentally we are ok and just forget about everyone else’s standards and what everyone else thinks.
I was supriesd at how much stuff that I feel like I have to do and have to try and get done in one day. And a lot of it is just not that important or not necessary. There are a lot of things that I would rather do that would make me happier and less stressed out. Stress is definitely something that I really do not need since I have Crohn’s Disease. I am also suprised at the high standards that I hold myself to. It is crazy to really see that all of the stuff that I thought I “need” to do and that I “should” be doing is in reality pulling me away from the self love that will actually make me more happy in the long run.
So now that we are done with this week I am going to stop trying so hard to please everyone else around me and also stop trying to please my own self imposed high standards. I am just going to do what I really want to and I am going to edit the list of what actually has to get done on a daily basis. I plan on once a week taking that time to just stop thinking all the time and allow myself to do something that I want to do and that I like to do. Things similar to taking that much need bath at the end of a long day instead of working for a couple more hours and feeling even more stressed out before I go to bed. When I did that this week it definitely made me a calmer more relaxed mom the next day. That is the mom that I want for my son and for my family to be around. Practicing self love once a week should really start to help.
Self-care is so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel. ~Eleanor Brown~