Lately I have been feeling as though I was failing as a mother. Sure I am making sure Ray is fed, clean, and all of the basics, however, I just have been having a feeling like I am not doing my best for him. I remember when he was first born and the first year or so and even though I didn’t know what I was doing I was doing my best. Fast forward to today and I don’t feel as though I am giving my all into being a good mom. I know a lot has changed like him growing up more and now having a mind of his own. I feel as though we butt heads constantly and even though I know that I have to make sure he is learning right from wrong, I don’t feel like we should always be at odds with each other.
It wasn’t until he said “Momma, I’m a naughty boy” to me the other day that I really started to think about how we interact with each other every day. Sure we have a lot of fun and laugh and be silly but I am not doing my job right when he feels as though he is just plain naughty. So as of yesterday I have decided to get back to giving it my all. Instead of thinking that he should be able to do a lot of things on his own I have been finding myself realizing that he is still a little boy. He is still learning and I still need to give him guidance. And guidance does not mean making sure he does everything I think he should do and not act out in any way.
I am finding that I need to give myself a break a little more and realize that I am still learning at all of this too. I cannot let my focus on my own life become something that makes me resent that he is here needing my help. I am finding that I need to stop and really take in the moments. Because when we are too focused on what our next move is for our personal lives we are missing out on the little time we have with our kids when they are kids.
Yesterday I decided to start taking those moments. It was a rainy afternoon and I have been giving into laying with Ray during nap time so he will fall asleep and actually take a nap. Usually he is asleep after about 20 minutes so I am able to sneak out and get stuff done. Yesterday I chose to lay and nap with him, and when I woke up I laid there and just watched him sleep. Just like I did when he was a baby. Normally just laying there with him makes me irritated because this is my “me” time to do things I want to do but today I embraced it. I thought about how when he was a baby and the only way to get him to nap was to let him lay on my chest and sleep while I watched TV. I used to get annoyed that I couldn’t do anything because of him needing to lay on me like that and now I miss those moments. So I am taking in these moments of laying with him in his bed because there will come a time where he won’t be taking naps and won’t need me to lay with him anymore.
If you are a mom and you feel like you are doing a bad job and that your kids just don’t listen and are naughty all the time. Maybe, just maybe, they are actually trying to let us know that they need us to take in the moments with them and they need us to start giving this whole mom thing our all again.